Alright fellas – deck announcement, here we are – at the mother of all mothers – mother Earth – the scary looking black planet that we see from our Red one. This monolith of poisonous gases was once as majestic and beautiful as the fairy tales back in prep school – all bright and blue and green and pretty. Your science teacher Miss WittyWoo wants you to collect samples of human folly that could have destroyed the home of our ancestors – the smart-ass Homo Sapiens. For safety purposes you’ve been genetically modified to withstand the dangerous environment. So go ahead – do your thing, take a walk, call your moms, take selfies – whatever – just remember not to wander off too far – and please be back on time – so that I can be home for dinner. I think I’m gonna make Mars-Potatoes for my Mama.